When I see beaches, expected tranquility streams away.

When I walk 'round its grains of dust, memories fill my recognizing, familiar hollow.

When I smell the tang of salty whoosh of wind, unfamiliar ache draws itself near.

When I hear the enormous and audible thwack of waves, melody recites and consumes me.

When I submerge down its abyss-depth, feelings of agony drowns me and brings me to its bed.

I couldn't calculate how your abbreviated-moment of presence could both be strangely familiar and excruciatingly wounding at the same time.
I saw pink blossoms showering from its branches, I saw effervescent bubbles dancing with the beat of my heart, I swear! I swear I saw these things when you've spent minutes with me, just walking and sitting over the sand's cushiness. Conversing about how our days' have gone, how upset it made you when your fishes died, and how terrible it turned out when I lost my IT quiz for a point.
You were brilliant and full of sense, and I cannot label the overwhelming emotions I feel when we talk. When you look at me in my eyes, nod in agreement, smile in amazement, laugh in ludicrousness and listen, and that's when I realize...that's all I need. You're all I need. The cure of my soul. The peace of my chaotic consciousness.

But,

As time seethed by, realization beat me hard.

You have to leave...

and I have to accept.

Pretending like it's not slowly cannibalizing me.

Pretending like it doesn't hurt much...or not at all.

It pains so much I'll die for sure. And the pain pains even more not because you left, like I'm not a constant struggle for you not to, but because you left...for something and someone else.

I know I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't be attracted to someone whose life is fixed and promised for someone else.

It became a litany to myself even before I met you.

But I did.

And I think words are to be swallowed whole when fate demands us to.

So when I look over the ocean's marvelous expanse, don't judge me if I don't appreciate its calmness and beauty anymore, don't judge me if I breathe uncomfortably and unrestrainedly through its pungent smell last more, don't judge me if I cry for it over and over again and halting becomes a fantasy.

Because when you left, all the memories obscure the beauty of the sea.

When you left, you didn't leave alone.

You left with me.

You brought me with you and the possessions I once held. The insights, felicity and my ability to appreciate.

I'm gone.

I'll never be the same again, like the beaches that will never be the same once more.