Then I saw you again..
With pain, that comes from blue, crestfallen, woeful yearning, tardily gnawing me.
Because I am well-aware that I will be there, laying each night, in my only-a-little-less-than familiar bed of rose's thorns, Again and Again. Contemplating how 'almost' we could be and how never that 'almost' could happen.

The undisguised familiarity of pain, that sends me tumbling over my bed's headboard.

The soaking shit of tears, draining the hell out of me and still not tired of experiencing it.

The wordlessly heart-crippling truth that comes from me, being nothing but a bubbly, buddy-buddy trustee of yours, which I could never accept my whole life.

The unsettling wave of consciousness before drifting off to sleep and dream of my bleeding thalamus again. And guess that I could almost paint this whole pain's familiarity, whilst listening to its loud cry of agony and misery. And I couldn't stop it because I do not know what to do. Because this is the only thing that reminds me of you. Because I still adore you like nobody else wouldn't dare to do. 

But the still-alive-but-barely-breathing realistic side of me is still hoping, that someday, all of these would just turn into a vast canvas. And I will stare at it, full of dark shades of color, lifeless shapes and lines, I am unused to now, without the need of feeling it.
Because there is so much light and life waiting ahead of me. And if this is craziness, I couldn't be crazy.
I know, I can get through this.
I know, I can get through you. 
Hush now, myself..




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